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Color Codes for Terror and Alarm
The Color Codes for Terror and Alarm are used to alert the Colbert Nation of all things evil. This includes liberals, democrats, bears, and Bill Clinton just to name a few. The higher the threat condition, the higher the threat of losing Mr. Colbert. That is why it is imperative to follow The Colbert Report Emergency Evacuation Manual while the levels increase or decrease. The Color Codes for Terror and Alarm was implemented the very second Stephen Colbert was pushed from his mother's loins. The doctors immediately realized that the glow the baby emitted had only been comparable to the one and only Baby Jesus. Doctors notified the officials, and the officials officially officified the Color Code System. From that day forward, the officials have kept a close watch on Stephen Colbert just to make sure he's safe. While he may be safer thanks to this system, he is still not safe. Level 0 - Black Considered a myth. America is never safe because of its omnipotent greatness and the enormous amount of jealousy every other country has. You should know that. Level 1 - Green Siginified if an old lady tips over and Stephen is busy saving a cat, or if a cat is stuck in a tree and Stephen is busy saving an old lady. Level 2- Blue When someone buys a foreign car or reads a Liberal Newspaper, you'd better believe this terror level raises its head. It is also the least common of all the levels. Nobody reads The New York Times. I mean, come on! Level 3- Yellow Whenever a Democratic candidate puts out an ad, or a Flag-Burning Drug-Consuming Hippie holds a protest, this terror alert rises to save the day. Level 4- Orange This nice fall color decorates your TV's whenever a Canadian crosses the border bringing cheap meds into the country, a girl scout fails to sell all her cookies, or when Bill Clinton holds a rally to get money for starving children or something without Stephen's permission. Level 5- Red This nice, bright color bombasts the news reports when the president loses his favorite snack, a democrat is elected, or... maybe... when a major terrorist attack rocks the nation to its very core. But like that would ever happen... USA! USA! USA! Level 6- Pinko Only to be used when a gay gets married. At this point the army will be mobilizing and the nukes will be flying. Best dig yourself a hole to live, or take cover in the Col-Bunker Level 7- Pee Pee Pants Yellow When a democrat is elected President. Thankfully though, this could never happen, never has happened, and will never happen. God Bless America! Level 8- Blackwatch Plaid Once used by a similar system used by Phil Ken Sebben, this color signifies when a gay adopts a baby and then marries it to a snake. 1% policy right. It can also be used to scare people if they aren't scared enough. Level 9- Clear The hardest to recognize of all the colors, but that doesn't mean it's not there. In factiness, it's always there. So go cry. Level 10- Poo Poo Pants Brown Riot, shit yourself, it really doesn't matter now. The bears have come, and Stephen Colbert is nowhere to be found. Get your pages to safety and head to your bunkers, the Bearpocalypse is here. Don't worry, this won't ever happen because Stephen Colbert is always there for you, the Heroes. Unless he isn't. Which in that case, you're fucked. See Also * Lou Dobbs Is Protecting America's Border